i.am.sagar

Me neither :)

But I had someone tell me the other day that they had a dream about me.  This is a fairly attractive woman who told me this so I was a bit surprised, not because she is attractive, but because she told me about the dream.  For some reason, I always thought of her as a bit arrogant and stuck-up, so this was the first time I felt that she seemed a bit vulnerable.  

So she tells me that her dream is about me and her having an affair after she had been married for a few years.  My first reaction was… how could you?  That doesn’t even sound like me.  So she asks me, “what’s wrong with having an affair with a married woman?”  No answer from me - I’m stumped.  What is wrong with that?  I’m sure something.  But isn’t it the person who is cheating that’s at fault?

I asked her why she thought she had this dream, and she just said she didn’t know.  As we talked, I told her that I thought that she had a different impression of me than I did of myself.  Her reply, “maybe you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do.”  She asks me why I thought I wouldn’t have an affair with her.  Again, I had no answer.  So I start to think to myself, is she right?  Am I really that shallow?  I don’t think so, but then why would I not say no to her.  I can’t figure it out in my head.  I mean she is attractive, no doubt about it.  Maybe because I know she is not married now, that I don’t see her that way.  

I felt like I had to redeem myself but I felt trapped.  I can’t tell her that I won’t have an affair with her because she may feel bad like there is something wrong with her, and also because I’m not sure that I wouldn’t.  On the other hand I don’t want to feel like I’m that scum.  Not having any good answers, I tried to change the discussion, but there was no easy transition out except to ask.. who is the husband in the dream.  She comes back with, “Does that really matter?  Would you feel any better or worse if you knew who it was?”

WTF!! Now I feel like shit about myself for no good reason.  The last thing she says to me is that I should tell her when I have a dream about her.  I said “you mean if”, she smiles and says, “no, I mean when!” 

Now I’m afraid to sleep at nights :-(